How to Get Facebook Stalked

>> Just a few years ago, celebrity status was reserved for the select, beautiful people who made their ways into the pages of “US Weekly” and “People”. But thanks to the advent of websites like "Stalkbook" and "MyStalk," celebrity is now within your reach. Now that you’ve got the means of broadcasting all your personal opinions, likes and dislikes and the details of your daily existence, here are some tips on how to connect with the people who care, because let’s be honest, if someone isn’t stalking you, there must be something wrong with you:

1. Keep Your Status Updates… well, Up-to-Date: How is anyone ever supposed to keep track of you if you're only updating your status once a day, or even every other day? Especially now that you can update your status with a simple text message, there really isn’t any reason your status shouldn’t be a minute-to-minute reflection of where you are at any given time. And please remember to be specific. “Jane Smith is bowling” just doesn’t tell who you are with or which bowling alley you picked. A better status update would be “Jane Smith is at Double Decker with John, Jim and Julie and just bowled a strike!” and update as appropriate.

2. Lots of Picture: A picture is worth a thousand words and this has never been more true than on Facebook, because let’s be honest, a good profile picture can make or break your page. Don’t be afraid to use the angles to get that perfect shot; your pictures are your first impression and first impressions are everything. Tag all photos of yourself so Facebook friends don’t have to sort through untagged albums to see your beautiful face and, of course, be sure to untag all remotely unflattering photos. You just don’t want that awkward photo of you drunkenly falling down the stairs last weekend floating around where one of your fans might find it.

3. 10, 12, 16, 25 Random Facts: There are several versions of this list of personal trivia making the rounds on Facebook. A real Facebook stalker wants to know all your idiosyncrasies, so don’t just do one, do all of them! And for goodness sakes, don’t let your friends ignore you meticulously compiled lists… Tag!!

4. Your Virtual Entourage: The more Facebook friends you have, the more potential stalkers you have, so get that friend count number as high as you can. Add anyone you know, even if you only met once at a party three months ago or never spoke in high school. Keep an eye on the “People You May Know” sidebar. Join all applicable Facebook groups and networks: both are great places to connect with more people who might be interested in even the most mundane details of your daily life. Everyone is a potential Facebook stalker.

5. You, You, You: You profile should be a compendium of the personal information that is relevant to you. Maybe you have your Top 10 favorite movies and your screen name, but that’s just not enough. Your true fans are going to want to know which politicians and National Parks you are a fan of, your favorite childhood books, the TV shows that you watch when you’re sick, the quotes that define you life experience and, obviously, your email, phone number and home address.

Because why else do we put all that personal information up for display on the Internet? We agonize over our profiles, but for who? We write and labor over them in hopes of showcasing who we really are, all without ever being sure anyone actually reads it. We’ve achieved the venue to market ourselves, without having achieved the fame to warrant it. We publish without an audience. And why do we do it? Because deep down, everybody wants to be stalked, because somehow, that would validate our existence just a little bit more.

Reprinted from The Sonoma State Star.